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[ 2005 ]



[ 2004 ]

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[ 2003 ]

Friday, July 30, 2004

The Politics of Feeling Good

The Accordian Guy has a great post on dating ethics in the 25th Century:

Her: Sort of. You see, I got dumped last week...

Me: Oh. Sorry to hear that.

Her: e-mail. What I wanted to ask was: Is that normal for computer guys?

Me: I don't think so.

Her: And if that wasn't enough, he fucking listed everything that was wrong with me. In fucking point form.

Read the post and follow the links for more good stuff. It's interesting, let's head on over to the dating websites and put this to a practical test. Can women spot the point-form dumpers before they strike?

Well, that took ten seconds. Look what some guy wrote:

"seeking a petite cutie with a heart of gold"

Instead of writing about what a great catch I am, like everyone does. I will write about the girl of my dreams.

She is truly one of a kind. I cannot even imagine that she actually exists. I am not assured that I will find her, for maybe she lived a thousand years ago, or she will be born a hundred years from now. She is that unique.

If she does exist now, this is how I would recognize her...

..she would have cried when David called for his "mommy" in A.I.

..she dreams of going scuba diving with me.. and holding hands as we sit on the ocean floor..

..her heart would have broke when Count Laszlo de Almásy weepingly carried the body of his beloved Katherine out of the Cave of Swimmers..

..she would come with me to shop for the most comfortable, most cozy sofa in the world.. so we can cuddle each night in the darkness and watch a beautiful film, or listen to music while we tend to each other in the candle light..

..she smiles softly every night while she thinks of me as she falls asleep..

..she finds wonder in the world around us.. and tries to make it a better place in her own little way..

..she wants to be loved and adored as much as I will love and adore her..

..she craves my gentle touch as much as I long for her warm breath on my lips..

..she is simply... "the one"..

A guy who woos in point form obviously dumps in point form! So watch it.

2:54 PM , # ,


Summer Sandwich

SANDWICH: Aren't you swell? You're the best!


SANDWICH: You've got the world by the tail! You're on top!

BLAMB: Actually, I was kind of sick all week.

SANDWICH: Sick ... you're so great, it makes everyone sick!

BLAMB: Really?

SANDWICH: Sure thing! You're groovy!

BLAMB: You think so?

SANDWICH: I know so!

BLAMB: Maybe you're right ...

SANDWICH: Maybe you're a really cool guy!

BLAMB: Maybe I am!

SANDWICH: Maybe? Definitely!

BLAMB: Yeah!

SANDWICH: The best of the best, the greatest of the great!

BLAMB: That's me!

SANDWICH: 100%, undiluted excellence!

BLAMB: You said it!

SANDWICH: So, what are you doing for the long weekend?

BLAMB: Nothing!


BLAMB: I'm just going to catch up on some things!


BLAMB: A quiet weekend in the city!


BLAMB: Yeah!

SANDWICH: I thought you'd be going to Europe for the weekend or something like that.

BLAMB: No, I'm broke.

SANDWICH: Really..


SANDWICH: Well, I don't think you're the person I thought you were.

BLAMB: I'm not?

SANDWICH: No, you're not.

BLAMB: Oh well, at least I have my health!

SANDWICH: You said you were sick.


12:22 PM , # ,


Thursday, July 29, 2004

Ms Johnson

There are still a few cartoons I haven't posted from earlier in the year. Here's one from back in the winter when Bobby got dumped (that's why he was able to start dating the furry girl). The topic remains relevant.

1:36 PM , # ,


Wednesday, July 28, 2004

The City

[murmur] is collecting stories from the city, starting in Kensington. Click on the red dots to hear a story from each location -- or use the map to visit each location, find the sign with the location code and listen to the stories on your mobile phone. Some locations have more than one story.

They're looking for personal stories , so if you want to share yours, drop 'em a line.

Also: [murmur] Vancouver & [murmure] Montreal

11:53 PM , # ,


Switch You Bastards!

My stats page just told me that 58% of the visitors to this site are still using IE. Only 23% are using Mozilla [check out 101 Things Mozilla can do that IE Can't via Circadian Shift] and 5% are using Opera. 10% are Safari losers ... er, sorry Darryl, I mean users! And someone drifted in using Konqueror.

I switched to Opera last year and enjoyed the introduction to tabbed browsing and switched to Mozilla this year and appreciate having software that isn't bloated, doesn't crash and takes care of my needs (by providing easy pop-up blocking, etc.) . So, unless you're one of those people who are stuck using IE because you're surfing at work, give Mozilla a try.

And Darryl, you can use Mozilla on your Mac ...

11:07 PM , # ,


While on vacation ...

LOCH NESS MONSTER: Hey man, wait up!

BLAMB: What's going on?

MONSTER: Where's the fire, man?


MONSTER: Why are you in such a rush?

BLAMB: We're just paddling.

MONSTER: Yeah, yeah. Hey, did you go swimming?

BLAMB: Why do you want to know?

MONSTER: Just answer, man! Did you go swimming?

BLAMB: Yes. I went swimming.

MONSTER: Ha ha ha haw haw haw!!!

BLAMB: What's so funny.

MONSTER: 'Cause, I PEED IN THE LAKE! You swam in my pee, man!

BLAMB: That's pretty funny.

MONSTER: Ha ha! I'm serious, man! You got covered in my pee, man!

BLAMB: I'm sure it got diluted and filtered and ...

MONSTER: Did you shower after you went swimming?

BLAMB: The swamp filters the ...

MONSTER: Man, you're still covered in pee! Oh man, that's so gross!

BLAMB: Well, you're swimming in your own pee, too.

MONSTER: So? I like it.

BLAMB: Well ... your head .. your head is shaped like a dildo.

MONSTER: What? That's not even funny, man.

BLAMB: Well neither is your pee joke.

MONSTER: That's where you are WRONG! It's soooo funny!!!

BLAMB: Whatever. I'm leaving.

MONSTER: Hey man, don't be sore! Hey, come back!

BLAMB: Shove it.

MONSTER: Aw man, I'm just joking! What? You gonna go off and cry now? Man? Man!

BLAMB: [paddle, paddle, paddle]

MONSTER: Yeah, you go have yourself a good cry! Curl up with your blanky and have a good cry, man!

BLAMB: [paddle, paddle, paddle]

MONSTER: Now I'm alone! Nuts!

* floato-schlopping graciously provided by world-famous ultra-blogger KittyB.

2:12 PM , # ,


Monday, July 26, 2004

Happy Creature

Jeff Merritt has finally stuck a bunch of his work up on his site, go on over and take a look with your own eyes. Jeff's artistic career started back in 1988 in my infamous 'Pool Art' program. All of the kids who were in that program went on to become big-time animators ... er, wait a minute, none of them did! I don't even think Jeff was in Pool Art. Crap!

11:27 PM , # ,


Comic & Geeky

This remains one of my favourites from the old Ed Locke's Grandpa Show strip, which might explain why I haven't had a date in years. This one was sort of inspired by a picture of Jerry Lewis I saw in a tabloid. Even though he was swollen to bursting because of a thyroid condition, in the photo he was in a tux and still on stage performing his schtick ...

Moving on ...

I was surfing some sites this weekend and I have a few opinions on some upcoming flicks. The opinions are legally binding. Don't cross me.

I think the casting of Martin Freeman from The Office as Arthur Dent in the Hitchhiker's Guide movie is an inspired decision and sort of hints that the movie might have a slim chance of not completely being a pile of slop. I always identified with Arthur Dent and identified with Tim in The Office series, which might explain why I haven't had a date in years ...

Any second now we're supposed to hear that the Red Dwarf movie is moving forward after a bunch of delays. I still think that bringing Kochanski back from the dead was a bad idea and her character is a party pooper. And she's going to be in the movie, still played by Chloe Annette. See, that character takes the edge off because she both brings and removes "hope" to and from the situation: Lister is no longer the last person alive and so his purgatory is no longer a purgatory. On the other hand, pining for Kochanski showed that Lister longed for a better life than what he was stuck with. When she shows up it takes away one of the qualities that made Lister interesting. Including the Kochanski character is a fundamental flaw, which may explain why I haven't dated Chloe Annett.

The title and logo for the final Star Wars flick, Revenge of the Sith, was unveiled and suddenly George Lucas' master plan is revealed! The logos and titles of Revenge of the Sith and Return of the Jedi are very similar, so the prequel series, in essence, reflects the first series!

Consider this then, the original trilogy contains two films that are good (New Hope, Empire) and one that's an idiotic buffet table of crap. Now, the two prequels we've seen are probably two of the worst movies ever filmed, so if the trilogies reflect one another, it means that Sith is going to be good. Right, right, right?

Here's the math:
A New Hope (good) = Phantom Menace (bad)
Empire (best) = Clones (crud)
Jedi (waste) = Sith (groovilicious???)

What makes this theory really cool is that the second films of both trilogies are the best (Empire) and the worst (Clones). See? It brings balance to the Force!

But let's face it, it's more likely that Lucas is just completely insane.

12:03 AM , # ,


Sunday, July 25, 2004

New in Town

The Star's newbie's guide to living in Toronto is sort of amusing, esp the bits about streetcar etiquette (you get extra points if, when pounding on the hood of a car at a streetcar stop, you put on your best Ratso voice and yell, "I'm walkin' here!").

My second week in Toronto, I went downtown to get tickets for the TIFF and walked around and explored a little. In front of Union Station I passed a bunch of older, tough guys who were just standing around. One of the tough guy stepped out and raised his fist at me and jerked it as though he were going to throw a punch (kind of odd, that was the only time anything like that has ever happened to me here).

As a fresh-faced, nineteen-year-old, I did the only thing I could really do: I stared the guy down and didn't flinch. If he'd been serious about clocking me, he could have but my bluff worked.

Sixteen years later, would I react differently in the same situation? I'd just laugh and laugh and laugh ...

12:54 PM , # ,


Saturday, July 24, 2004

That Donato Cartoon

Taking Godwin's Law into account, the whole Fantino "debate", if you can even call it that, ended this week not when the police union withdrew it's support, but when Andy Donato had this cartoon published in the Sun:

Offensive as it may be, the cartoon serves a useful purpose by confirming that Donato is, even in his twilight years, a hack and an asshole.

6:02 PM , # ,


Thursday, July 22, 2004

Breaking News

About twenty minutes ago I went out to get Zack some dog food and the ETF was starting to block off College Street. One of the cops was crouched behind the corner of a building. A couple had just strolled on through, so I asked one of the ETF guys if it was okay to pass.

He said, "It's not advisable."

Fine, but if I hadn't asked, they would have just let me walk through and I could have been popped. Thanks for caring, ETF squad.

I turned around and walked to get Zack some food at another store. This gave me time to think, so I mulled over Brenda's ice cream shop situation. She's go a crappy job:

Yesterday she told me that this weekend will be tough because we're losing a lot of strong people who have supposedly been carrying me through all the hard shifts, and if I don't know how to make all the desserts I should really learn to.

The year I finished school I worked at the GAP at First Canadian Place, sometimes on the sales floor but organizing the stock room most of the time. After working there for eight months, the store brought in a little management trainee guy who was plenty on the stylish side but dumb as dirt. He was ambitious and saw it as his duty to "manage" me, even though I was older, had actually graduated high school and had plans beyond working in retail for the rest of my life. A month later I was an ex-GAP employee.

Well, look at that. The ETF has packed up and moved on. Must have been a false alarm or something. I guess we should all get back to our business, eh? Y'all have a good night now.

8:59 PM , # ,


Real Life

This image was just emailed to me. What a difference a week makes. Seven days ago it was myself, Zack and the canoe ... now it's clients, clients, clients, work, work, work. And the freaking heat. At least I'm not a grad student, I've heard that's the hardest job ever.

3:04 PM , # ,


Gleaner comic based on the St. Clair Drive Thru situation.

1:21 AM , # ,


Wednesday, July 21, 2004

On the Blogs

A big congratulations to Robot Johnny who celebrated his first blog anniversary yesterday.

Everybody is getting their picture taken. KittyB has a couple of video clips posted. Christie look like she's being doing shampoo ads or something. Maybe she'll get all famous and start having PopTarts for breakfast every morning like all the big celebs.

Grad students. If you are thinking of moving to Brooklyn, Chris & Yoon need a roommate. Eva thinks being a grad student is the toughest job ever, but I know of one that, in the short-term, is tougher.

Holy crap, is it hot enough for you? Ha ha ha, that's such a funny line. Oh wait, I just got an email. Hey, it's from Kokayi Gamba! He writes:

You may be surprise to receive this letter from me, since you don't know me personally; I am KOKAYI GAMBA the first son of KOKAYI MOYO who was recently murdered in a land dispute in Zimbabwe.

Whoa, that sounds serious.

I am writing this letter to request your assistance and confidentiality to handle a transfer of fund into a Foreign account and I decided to write you,my late father was among the few black Zimbabwean rich farmers murdered in cold blood by the agents of the ruling Government of President Robert Mugabe, for his alleged support and sympathy for the Zimbabwean opposition party controlled by the white minority, Before my fathers death, he has taken to Johannesburg and deposited the sum of Twelve Million United State Dollars ($12 million)with a Security and Finance Company as if he foreseen the looming danger in Zimbabwe. This money was allocated for the purchase of new Machinery and chemical products for Agro allied farm and for the establishment of new farms in Lesotho and Swaziland. These land problems arose when President Robert Mugabe introduced a new land act that wholly affected the rich white farmers, and the blacks vehemently condemned the "mods operandi" adopted by the government. This resulted to rampant Killings and mob action by the war veterans and some political thugs,precisely more than three thousands(3,000)people have so far been killed.

Oh, sorry, I got distracted. What was that about the money?

Heads of government from the west, especially Britain and United States have voiced their condemnation of Mugabe's plans. Subsequently, South Africa Development Community (S.A.D.C) has continuously supported Mugabe's new land act, it is against this background that my entire family who are currently residing in South Africa have decided to transfer my father's money into a foreign account. As the eldest son of my father, I am saddled with the responsibility of seeking a genuine foreign account where this money could be transferred without the knowledge of my government who are tactically freezing our family's wealth and South Africa government seem to be playing along with them. I am faced with the dilemma of investing this money in South Africa for the fear of encountering the same experience in the future,since both countries have the same political history. More so, The South Africa Foreign Exchange policy does not allow such investment, Hence I am seeking for political asylum in The Netherlands.As a business person whom I entrusted my future and that of my family into his hands, I must let you know that this transaction is 100% risk free and the nature of your business does not necessarily matter. For your assistance,we are offering you 15% of the sum 80% for me and my family, while 5% will be mapped out for any expenses that we may incurred during this transaction.We wish to invest our money on commercial properties based on your advice.

Oh wow! They're dancing! And singing!

Finally, I will demand for assurance that you will not sit on the money when it gets to the account you are going to provide in your country. If this proposal is accepted by you, please confirm by you sending me an email. Thank you and God bless you.

What? Oh right, sure thing, man! Send me the money!

3:47 PM , # ,


Tuesday, July 20, 2004

The Ed Locke's Grandpa Show

Here's another strip for the Ed Locke archive. I'll add them weekly for the rest of the summer.

btw, the 'Lemon Guides You' strip first appeared on my old proto-blog, FUNBOOK, way back in January 2001.

10:32 PM , # ,


Working, working, working ...

Hot Docs is hosting this year's World Congress of Science Producers in Toronto, back in North America after a stop in Paris last year and Berlin the year before. I'm doing the design work; click here for a glimpse of the look I developed for them before vacation week.

4:02 PM , # ,


Monday, July 19, 2004

The Ed Locke's Grandpa Show

You can now visit the archive page for The Ed Locke's Grandpa Show, the strip I semi-retired last summer.

I'll add old strips to the page on a regular basis including several never-before-published/posted strips. Oooh, that's gonna be fun. Next stop, when I can squeeze it in, is the Ms. Johnson archive page.

7:14 PM , # ,



Toronto Star columnist, Antonia Zerbiasis has become a favourite punching bag of those right-wing bloggers who've managed to gell into an incestuous little cult of increasingly intense co-wanking. Kathy Shaidle's goading was particularly notable as it took the form of a series of fat insults (see various posts in her archives).

But when push came to shove, Zerbiasis held her own. Take a look at the comments on this post at Let It Bleed and watch as Zerbiasis enters the fray and lands a series of body blows that leaves Shaidle stunned and on the defensive. WHAM! BAM!

btw, note LIB's connection to the always insane Canada Free Press, featuring the intellectual stylings of such thinkers as cranky Arthur Weinrub and the cartoons of sour, ol' Bradford.

4:30 PM , # ,


Sunday, July 18, 2004

What I did on my summer vacation

The bugs were vicious and the weather was wacky, but let's face it: a week off is a week off! And I spent my week off up at the lake in relaxo mode. Click here for a vacation activity photo essay. It's FULLSCREEN in the Pierce style, so tap the ol' F11 key.

Zack packed in plenty of swimming and took a few rides in the canoe. We went to the swamp but the turtles didn't seem to interest him much. (btw, here's Zack's photo essay from when I was on hiatus).

All in all, it was vacation-errific!

9:47 PM , # ,


Sunday, July 11, 2004

Blog break this week. Posting resumes July 19.

1:53 AM , # ,


Saturday, July 10, 2004

Weekend Reading

Robot Johnny reviews King Arthur ... co-starring Ethan from Survivor? Hope he's a better actor than Jenna Lewis in her wedding night sex tape. That reminds me, Fleshbot is a very good porn blog. Weisblogg has a good post about the pure, undiluted source of all evil that is Michael Moore. So much evil in the world, why, just the other day I saw a guy drop a styrofoam cup on the ground in my back alley and he didn't even pick it up! I hope Britney picks up her butts. And Mary-Kate ... er, Ashely? ... picks up her coke spoon. Ha ha ha ha ha. Hey, why is it that when some poor kid has had their childhood destroyed by the entertainment industry, they become the butt of all the jokes when they grow up and turn freaky? Is that fair? I'm not sure that I really care much about it today. Oooohhhh, pretty, pretty ....


11:12 AM , # ,


Friday, July 09, 2004

Thursday Bits

I played hooky and went and caught a screening of Fahrenheit 9/11 at the Cumberland. It was a little different from what I was expecting because the reviewers tend to focus on the mean parts and never mention Moore's big picture argument, which is the theme he always sticks to: the rich get rich at the expense of the little people. And in the case of Iraq and the War on Terrorism, the rich are getting plenty rich. Not as funny as Roger & Me, but still his best flick to date. In my opinion. Which counts.

Jenn is in NOW Magazine again.

I am getting involved in my blog readers' lives. I've spent a little time trying to assist a reader with achieving the state of going on a date with a blogger on my links list. I won't mention names, but come on you two, let's get it in gear! Sorry ... I'm impatient 'cause I'm going on vacation.

And Eva emailed to say that she's dreaming about me:

Remember how a really long time ago someone had a dream about you, and you put up a picture on your blog that everyone was supposed to look at to induce dreams about you? It had your head in it, and numbers, and a sandwich, and the cat, and lots more. Well, THAT finally kicked in, and I had a long and weird dream about your cartoons. You weren't in there in person, because you were too famous, but it was definitely about you ...

Crap. The dream wasn't about me because I'm too famous. I get that excuse a lot. And whatever happened to that guy who just sort of showed up, said that he had a dream about me and then vanished? Who does that? That's just nuts.

I'm glad I didn't have to sit through Eva's dream:

The dream was in English, even the Dutch bits. I just knew it was supposed to be Dutch, but it was really all in English, except bits of the TV interview.

I'm not crazy about dubbed dreams, I much prefer subtitles.

Finally, Jett is all happy because some hunky dude she hankers has been cast as Zaphod Beeblebrox in the Hitchhiker's Guide movie. Of course, if you're like me, that just brings back memories of all the Beeblebroxes in high school who always got the girl (don't cue sad music, it was twenty years ago, we're over it already). If you aren't reading Jett, if you have your doubts about Jett, if you're worried about the quality of the Jett, read this post and get yourself hooked.

And that's a Thursday night.

12:51 AM , # ,


Thursday, July 08, 2004

Get it? Get it? They feel like gettin' it on because they're not choking on smoke, see?

9:29 AM , # ,


Wednesday, July 07, 2004


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